Standing on the podium at gravel nationals a year ago as of yesterday, I could have never imagined how much my relationship with biking and racing would change.
After the disappointment of moving from first place to fourth place after a big crash at mile 90 of 140 at nationals, I was determined to get back into training after a brief break off the bike to heal.
Two races and training blocks later, I stopped wanting to ride and hated the fact that I didn’t want to do something that I once loved so much. I felt like I was losing a part of myself. Out of fear, I forced myself to ride in hopes that the love would come back. Little did I know that what I really needed to do was let go.
Although I stopped training, I decided to still do the races I was signed up for, but with a far different mindset. I let go of all expectations and went in with only the goal of staying upright and having fun. Whether it was due to the power of taking myself less seriously or simply just luck, the races I took on with the new mindset went far better than the previous ones despite having far less fitness.
My season ended after completing BRW San Diego, marking a total of nine long races. Afterward, for the first time since I started cycling, I took a break and made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t start riding again until I truly wanted to. After a month and a half off the bike, I finally did.
While the cycles of burnout that led to this were in no way ideal, I’m grateful for the newfound excitement I have towards riding and everything I learned about myself in the process. In this next chapter of my cycling journey, I’m excited to prioritize fun times over fast times while hopefully uplifting people along the way.
To any of you facing burnout, I hope you’ll take a deep breath, be gentle with yourself, and open your mind to the idea of letting go. While it can be scary and overwhelming, you’ll be led back to whatever it is you’re letting go of when you’re ready if it’s meant to be.
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